Well I have a lovely day off from working today. Although saying I have a day off, doesn't really seem honest.
I'm always busy working towards something 'business' like. Today I gave myself a good talking to and had a lie in. After this I will make myself a nice, tasty lunch, before starting the work!
Today I'm feeling quite reflective, on many different levels.
I'm naturally an over thinker. I tend to over think or over analyze situation's.
The events of work the past week have left me 'analyzing' and 'reflecting' over quiet a few thing's, but the following have really stood out to me.
So many women are insecure, not only in how they look, but how they are perceived by others. Not only that, they are conscious of their future and how they will get there.
I have heard this past week, these following statements. All directed at me, or during a conversation with me.
'You always look amazing'
'I wish I had skin like you'
'I bet you love your job'
'I can't wait until I am old enough to have a life'
What I will say to this my lovelies is, never judge a book by it's cover. Truly. And in my experience, the people who seem the most 'pulled' together, usually have a lot going on!
Don't get me wrong, it's highly valued and greatly received when people see me like this. It's always nice to be greeted with a compliment.
But let me share my insecurities.
I do not always look amazing, at least I do not think it, nor do I feel it! I wake up many a morning and despair at what stares back at me in the bathroom mirror. Luckily I have a hoard of makeup and the know how to fix most complaints! Makeup is what looks amazing, if you saw me at 7am in the morning you would not think I looked amazing.
My skin is a mess. I thank God for makeup. I have had acne from the age of 12, and it seems to love me. We have a love hate relationship. In fact, I have become quite attached to it. When I have a ' clear face ' phase I start to panic. And without fail, a week later a few will pop up, just to say hello.
I had teenage acne and also awful adult acne in my early twenties. Now, late twenties ( well thirty actually ) it has calmed down, but clearly, it wants my love forever.
My job. Well, I could talk on this level forever, but really, I won't. It would just bore the socks off you.
I do love my job, as a Makeup artist. I love transforming faces, I love how a little makeup can lift a crushed spirit. There is nothing more satisfying to me, in my job, than a person who has tears in their eyes after I have done their makeup. Yes, this really happens. And, the all consuming, tear jerking hug I get afterwards.
' Thank you so much, you have made me so happy '
What competes with that? Those are the days I go home, encouraged and feeling worthwhile in the job I do.
I DO NOT however, enjoy working in retail. Yes I work for a big Makeup company.
I do not enjoy the abuse off customers, the awful, unsociable work hours, the fact I cannot pick and choose my holiday days as I have to work AROUND the store I work in, and for.
The fact I have to, as a Christian, work awful Christmas shifts which include Christmas eve till 8pm and Boxing day from 7am in the morning till 9 in the evening. Again, on the whole, to serve rude customers.
I am a freelance makeup artist, but as uncontrollable situations call, I have to work in a 'secure, regular' paying job also, for now, to bring regular money in. This is full-time and leaves little time for an actual life.
So on one hand, I love my job. I have without doubt, chosen the profession for me. On the other I hate where I am right now and I terribly wish I had a magic Harry Potter wand I could just wave and it would all be the way I would prefer.
On the days I get particularly down after work, I come home and dream of where I would like to be. These dreams usually consist of me, traveling the world, based somewhere in London.( my all time favourite place )
In these dreams, I make a lot of very important connections, and meet a lot of celebrities, who, naturally want me to be their personal makeup artist ( this is a dream, so it is on a large scale )
I sometimes wish I had really knuckled down to my career when I was a lot younger, and I had the money and time, so I could be where I would like to be now.
I sometimes wish I had believed in myself enough to go for the opportunities when I had the chance
I sometimes wish of a different life to what I have now.
But you know what? Everything I have had to do, to get me here is making me who I am today and preparing me for what lies ahead.
There is no guarantee that 'knuckling' down when I was younger would have made a difference. When certain situations arise, for which you are called to be selfless, when certain situations arise over which you have no control. These 'situations' change things.
I enjoyed my youth, there are always things you wish you could change. But the famous saying springs to mind:
' Life is not a rehearsal '
I can't go back and change it now.
I'm stronger than I was ten years ago, and I never give up. I'm a fighter!
Over the past ten years my makeup skills have exceeded what I ever thought possible.
I have learnt so much, not just about my job, but about life and people.
Don't wish your life away, don't hope to be ten years older than you are now, in the hope things will be easier, enjoy where you are now.
What are you going to get out of this day?
Never people watch and assume you know their life from how they look. Don't look at their 'physical shell' and wish for their life. You never know what their life is like.
Dream of your life, dream big!
We all have a story. And we are all aiming to write our own book.
Whats your story?