Six months on.....

Hello fellow bloggers.

Well, the last time I logged on here was just over six months ago.

Seems strange typing up a new blog post.

I have had a few people get in touch, regarding my sudden 'disapperance' from the blogging world, so thought it only fair that I reply.

I wondered what to say. What excuse I could make. Then I thought, no. Lets just be honest.

Last year I was diagnosed with depression. Depression and Anxiety. I was also experiencing panic attacks.
Now the reasons behind this I will not bore you with. Lets just say it's been a difficult couple of years and it had finally taken its toll.

I reacted to it by completely withdrawing into myself, and from everything 'familiar'. I suppose I withdrew from all the familiar people, daily situations ( including my work life ) by avoiding it all.
In a way, dealing with all the things I had done the past few years reminded me off all the past struggles, and I just wanted to leave it all behind.

You may wonder why I, a Beauty Blogger, is deciding to write a post about this.

I have known people who have had depression ( far worse than what I had/have )
I have heard people say: Can't they just get over it?'
And the worst one: 'Smile, it can't be that bad'
I have known people who have suffered from Mental illness for years, and it is still treated with stigma.

Let me tell you now, if just 'smiling' was the answer to depression, then wouldn't the world be a perfect place?

It is not only reserved for those who are described as:
Attention seekers
Feeling sorry for themselves
Those who cant 'handle life'

Depression is available to all. The rich, poor, men, women, young old. It is real, and it is a big deal.

Going through what I have, has given me a new perspective on life.

Never, ever judge a person. You never know what they are going through. Even the saying, 'Imagine yourself in their shoes' is not true.
Because everyones shoes are a different size and shape. Unless you go through the exact same thing as someone ( which you never can, because everyone is unique, and everyone reacts to things differently ) you can NEVER know how they are feeling.

For people who ask how does it feel? Having depression?

It feels hopeless. It feels like all the hope in the world has been sucked out of you. You feel as though the world and everyone in it has given up on you, even if in reality, they haven't.
Dark - evey step you take is scary, and you are left wondering will I fall down at the next one and not be able to get up?

I withdrew in a way that only being at home, I felt safe. Within my four walls, I could hide from it all.

I feel the issue of 'depression' is still frowned upon. I mean, its better than years ago where you could be locked up for writing something like this.

But its not the 1800's, we live in 2013 and more people than ever are experiencing depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc.

It can ruin your life, it can leave you in a place where you feel like a statue. So scared, so petrified of moving forward. You awake, dreading what the day may hold, you freeze in fear, unable to move.

If you are reading this now, and think you may have symptoms of depression, don't bottle it up. Seek help. Talk to someone. The relief of talking to someone you can trust is the first step.
You are not crazy, you are not 'weird', you are not weak. You are human. 

Don't suffer in silence. I did, for too long, and it affected and manifested itself in me, physically and emotionally.

But, I am back and I am back doing what I love.

I logged on to my email and this account for the first time since last August, today.
I saw how many comments people had left on posts, I saw how many more twitter followers had followed, I saw emails from people concerned.

I have missed you all, and I cannot wait to start blogging again.

2013 is a new start. Life is hard, and it will always throw things at you which will take you by suprise. Sometimes it will throw more than one thing at once, but I will be damned if I let it suffocate me.
As an old lady at the bus stop said to me the other day ( 90 yrs old, to be exact ) you have to keep going, or you will just give up.
Its true, its easy to hibernate and avoid. I did it. Its harder to get up, get ready and face the world.
But just think, what have you missed out on today because you let life scare you into staying within your four wall security?
I have found the days I have 'made' myself get up and get ready, I have had the best days, and usually the most productive.

What are your goals for 2103?

Let's do this.

Over and out. ( for now.... )



  1. I suffer from the same Ruth aswell as a very painful physical condition its a daily struggle but the worst thing to do is keep it bottled up, from experience! If you ever need anyone to talk to drop me an email sometimes its easier to speak to somebody you don't know well. Xx

    1. Thank you Julie. Its amazing just how many people have/are suffering, and those you would not expect too.
      It does sometimes feel like a daily struggle, but you have to try!
      Thank you for your comment :)))

  2. Welcome back and I hope you continue to stay strong. If there is anything I can do please let me know.

    Romany xxx

  3. You could have just described me two years ago. I went through the exact same thing, I didn't leave my room for days on end. I would have panic attacks about leaving the house, life was just too difficult to cope with. I'm glad you are on the up lovely. It is difficult but you will get through the other side. Nearly two years on and I starting to come of my anti depressants slowly and finally feel like life isn't as scary as I thought. I know you don't know me but if you ever want anyone to talk to I am more than happy to listen. sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger. xxx

    1. Its a crazy thought isnt it, being scared to leave the house, but its true! Look outside and think, no. Ill stay in my jammies.... seven days later...
      It was the panic attacks that got me, they come out of no where.
      I'm so glad you are feeling better and coming through the other side. Thats fantastic.